This isn’t Working Anymore

By: Sucheta Shankar, Staff Writer

Dear Anthropromorphic product ads,

I find it really difficult to say this. It’s been hard to make this decision but I really need to tell you something.

There was a time when I would softly giggle at your cute antics. Things were different then. You were exciting, new and fresh. No one else out there was like you. My heart would flutter knowing that I got the privilege of spending time with you. I remember thinking I was so lucky to have been picked by you back when the world fell at your feet.

However, things have changed. You’ve started to lose that spark I was crazy about. It seems as if you have stopped to care about our relationship. You throw anything you’ve got at me in a half-hearted effort. What happened? Why have you become like this? Was our relationship not good enough to keep you happy?

Sorry. I know the blame doesn’t lie with you. It does with me. You were after all only trying your best. It’s not your fault that you started to accept all kinds of ideas: walking and talking pasta, sponge towels, calendar dates, cleaning supplies etc. It’s my short sight that has brought us to this point.

I am not jealous of your success. I commend you for achieving so much so quickly. However, I feel like our relationship has saturated. What used to make me giggle, now makes me want to cringe. How did we – I – let it get so far?

I have started feeling like you are undermining my intelligence with how obvious you make your actions. But, that must mean I am clearly incapable of handling your brand of genius. I don’t want things to end badly so I just wanted to say: we need to break up. This isn’t working anymore.

It’s not you – it’s me. I’m not good enough for you. You’ve become too good for me and any small action you make hurts me. I’m not in a place where I can even truly see you anymore.

So, please let’s break it off before it gets worse

No more yours,

Consumer